continued...

so anyway! to the happy part! well happy in the moment. so a couple weeks ago, he came into our choir class becuz he'd been practicing something with James, Amanda and Sarah (Mairus, Cosette and Eponine) for our fine arts sampler (they were doing a heart full of love from les miz) and mrs whitson (our choir teacher) asked if he'd be willing to add to our guys section at our concert (there are 2 guys w/o aaron... James and Elliott... haha Jelliott... inside joke ) and he said he was going to ask her just that. so he'd been coming to our choir classes. and we're doing one little vignette called Coffee in a Cardboard Cup. [link] (we aren't doing it as show choir-y. we're doing more of a drama piece. ) and i have a little solo in it. i say "than driving through and ordering a hamburger" XD lol! and it's only like 2 notes, and it's from like an F up to a C# and that stinking C# is RIGHT over my break and it's quiet. so. today.... mrs whitson asked aaron to sing it with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for more volume she said. i don't care! i get a mini duet with him! ah! ok. i'm done. lol

--
L: Even if I leave you two alone, I'm still gonna be watching on surveillance cameras, so it wouldn't make any difference.
Misa: You pervert! Could you stop it with your creepy hobby?
L: You can call me whatever you like. Last chance for cake!

woohoo! sounds cool. I'm just so glad I don't have to take exams!!!! Yay for graduating! but my school butchered senior week. my school has a dress code, and every freaking year, during senior week, the seniors got to wear whatever the heck they wanted, and last year, they tried to get it to be just spirit wear (school bought clothes. they suck) and there was like a riot and they put it back to anything they wanted. now this year, we have to wear either dress code, spirit wear, or college shirts. we can't even wear sweat pants! :suicide: sorry. i needed to vent. omg! but there is something that is so worth all of that, and I'll... just tell you here. ok

so my school did les miz this spring and the guy who played valjean, his name is aaron. and he's cute. and yeah. he's home schooled, so i hadn't known him until the play, and he was really nice to me. like when i make friends, it's usually because i go up to them and say hi, not the other way around, but he came up and said hi. he's so nice. anyhoo. i started to kinda like him like... you know, like him. lol and i was worried that after the play, I wouldn't ever see him again, cuz he's homeschooled ya know? and he had agreed in like february to go see coraline (the movie) with me, my friend chelsey and her bf (he didn't know it was her bf we were gonna go with ) and so i was excited about that. and yeah. ok the performances were in mid-march. so i was wanting really badly to ask him to our prom, cuz i didn't know if he'd want to go cuz he's homeschooled. so i was planning on just asking him if he was going at all, and then bring up the whole going with me thing. smooth right? i know. and it got to the last show, and i hadn't asked him yet, so i just decided to tell him i like him, but i'm chicken and can't do it face to face. ok now backstage, we have star grams (paper you write notes and stuff on and put in people's mail cubbies) and i was just going to tell him on one of those. well they were out of the little pieces of paper, so i just stole a little paper plate and used that. basically on the plate, i just told him how much his friendship meant to me and how i never wanted to forget him and blah blah :blah: and i took up all of the front and half of the back of the plate. then i signed it, and put PS will you go to prom with me? and then shoved it in his mail cubby. and come to think of it, he probably hasn't even read it to this day. and so a couple days go by and i start to think ok somethings up, cuz he usually ims me on facebook to just say hi or something, but he didn't so i was nervous enough as it is and sent him a message saying... oooh i can actually copy/paste it here:

Me:"Please talk to me. I feel like you've been avoiding me. Is this because I asked you to prom? I don't want you to feel bad about saying "no" which I know you probably will. It's just my friends really want me to go and I told them not unless i went with a guy and I didn't know if you'd want to go to our prom or not, so I just asked. Ok that's only part of it. The truth is, I really like you. You're a nice guy and I want to get to know you, and maybe there could possibly be something between us. And if not, then at least I tried, but it's better than not knowing, I think. I've never asked someone out and I'm really bad at this sort of thing and I'm sorry. I really am sorry. And now that the play's over I'm so scared that I'll never see you again, ever. And now I'm rambling like a complete idiot. Oh God. I just really want to see you. I miss you so much, you have no idea. I really don't want to freak you out, or anything, I'm just... I don't know what I am. I guess I just thought someone out there could like me for me and actually want to spend time with me as maybe more than a friend. Ok. I'll stop now. I understand if you don't want to see Coraline anymore. Anyways, I think it won't be in theaters anymore next week. No theaters came up on movietickets.com. Ok. Really done now. Please at least say something. I don't think my stomach can take any more of this. Not to mention my heart. Please try to understand. You're a good friend and anyone you're with in the future is lucky as hell."

Him:"I'm really sorry. I've actually liked someone else for a while. As you can tell, I'm not good at this either. I'm really sorry that I hurt you. I feel terrible "

Me:"Don't feel bad. That's not what I wanted at all. It's not your fault, or mine, really. These things happen every day, right? It'll just take time, I suppose. I can find a friend to go to prom with, I guess. The question is: who? O.o Oy vey. I'll leave that burning question until tomorrow.

I'm assuming you don't want to go see a movie now. Chelsey still wants to go see something. I might just tell her no. I'm still weighing the pros and cons of that one. Pros: get to see the movie. Cons: be the 3rd wheel and be thoroughly ignored for the entirety of the film. I just can't decide.

I still miss you, though. I really do want to be friends. Your friendship has always been important to me, even before I started to like you this way. Please say we'll keep talking, even if it's just through Facebook or text. As you can see, I talk quite a lot. I have a tendency to ramble. Speaking of which, I'm doing it again. I'll go for now. I have a research paper to finish. blech! XP"

Him:"Let's keep talking "

and when i read that, i noticed he was on, and we chatted. i just couldn't be mad at him. and if you get the chance (or you may have already done this) check out my poem. it's in my gallery as "Pain. Fear. Hope. Shame." and i wrote that after he said no. well i wrote parts of it after and parts of it before he said no, but after i asked... so that awkward period of waiting.

continued...

--
L: Even if I leave you two alone, I'm still gonna be watching on surveillance cameras, so it wouldn't make any difference.
Misa: You pervert! Could you stop it with your creepy hobby?
L: You can call me whatever you like. Last chance for cake!